Before I moved to Turkey (both times), then Germany, I wanted to read books about the expat experience that would instruct me, or that I could relate to. Here are some of my favorites.
These are not “travel writing,” per se. There are other great books about choosing to live in a foreign country, traveling in general, or books by native writers about their homeland.
These books have vibrant characters, interesting in their own right, who are actively following someone else’s career and who demonstrate that that, in itself, is a journey.
The terms get stuck in my throat: “trailing spouse” or “camp follower” (ouch! gross!). From the State Department to the military and beyond, thousands of people know the benefits and setbacks of saying “yes” to amazing adventures in support of a spouse.
Often the incredible life experience comes at the expense of one’s career, roots, and agenda. They also come with great stories. The ins and outs can range from terrifying, to educational, to hilarious.
If you are looking ahead to an upcoming move abroad, reminiscing on your time with the Foreign Service, or just ready for an excellent read that takes you out there, I recommend these books.
COVID-19-Friendly (Travel by Book)
If you are self-isolating, social distancing, and otherwise protecting your community and yourself from the spread of the global pandemic COVID-19/coronavirus, then cheers to reading together! I’m currently re-reading my recommendation #3.
Worried about the mail? Long wait? Keeping lines open for food and medical supplies? Enjoy these books digitally–they’re all available on Amazon Kindle. You can also read them without a Kindle by downloading the app on a computer or phone, or both–it will save your place.
The Confusion of Languages
In this trio of recommendations, this is the dramatic novel: The Confusion of Languages. Siobhan Fallon covers a surprising number of issues authentically, tenderly, and brutally–it’s sophisticated and heart-wrenching.
Fallon lived in Jordan and the United Arab Emirates as a diplomat spouse, and the truth of her characters shows. She gets it. If you want an insider’s experience, this is outstanding.
From absorbing local culture to jealous friendships, identity crises, power struggles, career shifts and lulls, marriage secrets, motherhood, exploration versus safety, and snooping into each others’ lives, Fallon goes there. I was impressed.
Fallon’s characters appeal outside the realm of expats and trailing spouses. She explores surprising twists of friendship between two women and the complications of marriage. This is a good read, period.
The Cairo Affair
The Cairo Affair is a page-turning spy thriller by Olen Steinhauer. I usually don’t read genre fiction, but this was recommended by someone I admire. I’m glad I read it–it was a fun read, and artfully written.
Steinhauer shares the perfect sprinkle of local details, like the Saiidi tea tin (123) where a man stores a passport and wallet—I’ve seen a man store change in an espresso tin before. There are many ways we adapt in transient life, and it’s the little details like this that can make a book sing.
The main character in her younger years joins her husband “To go. To see. To experience.” Travelers know the alluring push and pull of wanting to dive into an adventure—but also wanting to stay out of harm’s way. We can relate to saying yes—and then saying, oh, hell! Oh, no!
I loved Steinhauer’s sprinkling of larger life statements, lines that apply in the story, but could apply out of it, too—after all, that’s art. One character “knew how, in the absence of verifiable truths, guilt and paranoia could ruin a person” (164). He writes, “Anything, no matter how ridiculous, seemed possible” (275) and later, “With enough questioning, the very ground could evaporate into conjecture” (321).
There was just enough sensationalism to keep the book a sweet escape, like when the protagonist leaves a message written in lipstick on the bathroom mirror. Guns, car chases, unexpected twists—sold. Sold well. Loved it!
Diplomatic Incidents
Diplomatic Incidents is HILARIOUS! I read it with relish before my attaché spouse experience (after my traveling full-time Foreign Area Officer spouse tour), and it’s even funnier now, in retrospect. If you want to laugh, and you wonder what it’s like to be a spouse diplomat in any form, Cherry Denman’s got you covered.
Denman’s the real deal, having followed a British diplomat around the world for 25 years. She was an illustrator before an author, and her illustrations add extra humor.
Some of the scenarios delve into hyperbole, which is side-splitting. Others are exactly right–you could take them to the bank as excellent advice or a perfect portrayal of precisely the way it is.
For example, Denman writes, “Poor Freddie, my blonde and beautiful daughter, experienced a Cypriot leg wax and had to jump all the way home after the waxer went too far up and her butt cheeks got glued together” (24). I’m trying to picture that. Then again, no. If the actuality is a little stretched, the spirit must certainly be true.
Denman immediately launches into sure advice:
“The easiest way to settle in quickly is to meet as many people as possible in as short a time as possible. Say ‘yes’ to every single offer that comes your way” (24-25).
That is exactly true. You can always back out later (or try–I think I tried to leave the charity baking circle two or three times at the British Embassy’s Red Lion Club in Ankara, but I’m still glad I joined).
I was a little confused by Denman’s portrait of a military attaché, page 37. Did I take umbrage? Okay, well, we’ve all stood around at parties “looking pretty” before, so I guess we’ll take it.
Anyone embarking on an adventure as a diplomat or diplomat spouse, read this book!
Anyone who wants to laugh and hear remarkable real-world jaw-dropping tales, this one’s for you. Denman’s a Brit, so it may be even more relatable to UK readers, but I found plenty here that rang true. Plus it’s just so, so funny. You might need new underwear.
What’s Yours?
Feel free to share YOUR favorite books depicting the expat experience in the comments. I’d love to hear!
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